Hello there! Jess Haines here. I’m the author of the H&W Investigations series—urban fantasy novels about Shiarra Waynest, a human private investigator in an alternate, present-day New York. Somehow she keeps getting pulled into supernatural troubles way above her pay grade…
This time, she’s here with some friends to tell you about what it’s like to be bitten by a vampire. Take it away, Shia!
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Shiarra: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this topic.
Royce: It’s not that bad.
Shiarra: It’s addictive and dangerous. Why are we talking about this?
Christoph: Wait, it’s addictive?
Clyde: Yes. Why do you think our donors keep coming back?
Thrane: You mean it’s not your sparkling personality? Your dangerously good looks? Your pretty, pretty McMansion and gobs of money?
Clyde: It doesn’t hurt.
Royce: I can’t say I approve of your tone. Either of you.
Shiarra: Says the guy who owns vampire strip clubs.
Christoph: Don’t forget the werewolves. We strip, too.
Shiarra: I… yeah.
Thrane: He’s an equal opportunity Other employer! How progressive.
Royce: My businesses have little to do with how I conduct my personal affairs.
Clyde: That’s quaint. Most of us enjoy the fruits of our labors. Immensely.
Christoph: Do I want to know what you mean by that?
Thrane: No.
Shiarra: No.
Royce: Absolutely not.
Clyde: I’m rather fond of establishing new businesses. The fresh blood—so to speak—that gets added to my fold with each new conquest keeps me and mine well fed, powerful, and richer by the day. I don’t see why the rest of you think there’s something wrong with that.
Shiarra: Maybe because you’re using people like Happy Meals? Ugh.
Christoph: I thought it was more like Slurpees.
Thrane: It’s important to treat donors like people. So they’re like friends with benefits.
Shiarra: What?
Thrane: Wait—no! That’s not what I meant!
Christoph: My arrangement is a little like that.
Shiarra: I feel ill.
Royce: Oh, please. Ms. Waynest, have I ever done anything to treat you so cavalierly?
Clyde: Why are you acting like you have no idea what I’m talking about? The whole point is to do it in a way they don’t detect. If she let you into her bed, you know it worked.
Shiarra: Seriously. I’m done. Where’s the bathroom? Need to throw up.
Christoph: But Mouse actually likes me. Doesn’t she?
Royce: Ms. Waynest, sit down. Christoph, yes, of course she does. Just because Mr. Seabreeze thinks so little of the people who provide him sustenance doesn’t mean the rest of us do.
Thrane: Just most of them.
Royce: Perhaps those who answer to me are in the minority, but I don’t allow vampires to settle in my territory who treat their donors with such blatant disrespect.
Clyde: Too many bodies can be a problem. All the questions, the police investigations, blah blah blah. That’s why I make sure we have enough people contracted to keep everyone well fed at all times.
Christoph: I’m starting to realize that maybe it isn’t so bad I left California.
Thrane: Can I come with you? I take up so little space!
Royce: File a petition with my office. We’ll see.
Shiarra: A petition? Why the heck would someone have to file a petition?
Royce: Formalities. No one enters or leaves a master’s territory without permission.
Christoph: Does that apply to donors? I mean, since the bite is addictive, let’s say I want to—theoretically—go back to Los Angeles to visit my pack sometime. What happens if I’m away for too long?
Clyde: Oh, I’m sure we could come to an arrangement. You say you strip for Mr. Royce?
Christoph: You don’t scare me.
Clyde: Perhaps I should try harder.
Christoph: Listen, bro. I work for two gay vampires. Nothing you can throw at me would compare to Ken fitting me for assless chaps.
Clyde: Touché. I could still try.
Thrane: This is uncomfortable. Can we stop doing this?
Shiarra: I’m done. I’ve been done. All kinds of done. Stick a fork in this and end it already.
Christoph: Okay, I’m not going to say where, but I’m serious. I might want to go visit friends sometime. What would happen if I left for too long?
Royce: The addiction is relatively minor. I suppose it would be comparable to the desire for a cigarette, or perhaps a glass of wine. Some become more desperate than others to sate their cravings, particularly if their host does not practice some temperance.
Shiarra: Yeah, except you could totally bleed out instead of dying slowly from cancer or liver disease. Awesome!
Thrane: That practically never happens! Usually. Most of the time.
Royce: It is very rare. Only newer vampires who don’t have an elder to show them how to control their urges tend to cause injuries.
Shiarra: And totally psychotic elder vampires who have no respect for human life.
Royce: As I said, it’s a rarity. Max Carlyle was doing what he thought he needed to in order to take my holdings and control of my people. I don’t condone his actions, but I won’t deny it happens.
Clyde: Fascinating. Really.
Christoph: In conclusion, y’all are creepy bastards.
Thrane: Thank you, Mr. Christoph.
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About H&W Investigations
Forsaken by the Others
H&W Investigations 5
Kensington/Zebra, July 2, 2013
Mass Market Paperback and eBook, 336 pages
The Others–vampires, werewolves, things that go chomp in the night–don’t just live in nightmares anymore. They’ve joined with the mortal world. And for private investigator Shiarra Waynest, that means mayhem…
Have a one night stand with a vampire, and you can end up paying for it for eternity. P.I. Shiarra Waynest, an expert on the Others, knows that better than most. Yet here she is, waking up beside charismatic vamp Alec Royce with an aching head…and neck. Luckily, Shia has the perfect excuse for getting out of town–namely, a couple of irate East Coast werewolf packs who’d like to turn her into a chew toy.
On Royce’s suggestion, Shia temporarily relocates to Los Angeles. But something is rotten–literally–in the state of California, where local vampires are being attacked by zombies. Who could be powerful enough to control them–and reckless enough to target the immortal? Following the trail will lead Shia to a terrifying truth, and to an ancient enemy with a personal grudge…
Stalking the Others
H&W Investigations 4Kensington/Zebra, July 3, 2012
Mass Market Paperback and eBook, 352 pages
Vampires, werewolves, mages—the Others are very real, and wreaking havoc in Shiarra Waynest’s life. But now, she’s returning the favor…
Once, she was one of the good guys—or as close as a New York P.I. can get. Then Shiarra Waynest was drawn into the world of the Others. Every faction has its own loyalties and agenda. And Shia’s recent betrayal by her ex-boyfriend means that she may be on the verge of becoming a rogue werewolf at the next full moon…
Of course, with all the threats against her, Shia’s not sure she’ll live long enough to find out. The enigmatic vampire Royce wants her back in his clutches, as do two powerful werewolf packs, along with the police. Instead of going into hiding, Shia is enlisting the aid of her enchanted hunter’s belt and every dirty P.I. trick she knows. If she’s going down, she’ll take out as many of her enemies as she can—and hope that in the process, she keeps whatever humanity she has left…
H&W Investigations 1 - 3
About Jess
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I go through phases where I like vampires for months then dragons the next and so on. At the moment I am re-reading Written In Red by Anne Bishop where the wolf shifters is the most prominent characters so I guess I am currently in a "wolf shifter" mood. But really it doesn't matter what kind of supernatural it is, what counts is the way the story is told.
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