MaryJanice Davidson - Undead and Unstable Excerpt & Giveaway - June 16, 2012

Many thanks to The Qwillery for letting me make ruthless use of this space to promote the new book, UNDEAD AND UNSTABLE. Many thanks to the readers who parted with hard-earned money (in this economy!) to put UNSTABLE on both the NYT and USA Today best-seller lists. Thanks in advance to readers who will be seduced by the excerpt below and go out to grab a copy, keeping my sales figures undeservedly high. (Yep, undeservedly, I meant what I wrote. Because I’m not doing art, here. The UNDEAD books are the cotton candy of books. And that’s on purpose, because I love cotton candy. I’ve never taken offense when readers or critics refer to my books as fluff. They are! And I’m fine with it! Fluff rules. Sometimes you want a turkey dinner with stuffing and gravy and mashed and cranberries, and sometimes you want cotton candy. Oooh...yummy yummy cotton candy...but I digress. Again. Or still!)

And thanks to me! Because without the awesomeness that is me, these books wouldn’t exist. So I’m pretty great, too. (I know...what a pill, right? Trust me, all writers think this. They just won’t admit it out loud, or even to themselves sometimes. But writers will look at their latest release and think, I did that. Damn! My mother was right: I’m pretty terrific. Oh, and hey, it’s great that all those readers bought copies of the books that wouldn’t exist without me. Yaaaay, me! And also, yaaaay, them!)

It’s possible I’m projecting on other writers. It’s possible that I’m the only one obnoxious enough to think like that.

Naw. But! In all seriousness, thank you for your kind attention. And if you buy the book, any of my books, thank you again. But if you want the turkey dinner, if the thought of cotton candy at 8:00 a.m. on an empty stomach is revolting, I totally understand, and would suggest you try or re-read: Gone with the Wind, The Stand, The Wives of Henry VIII by Antonia Fraser, Gone Girl, Bring Up The Bodies, A Dance of Dragons, or Easy Peasy French: Your French Phrase Book To Go!

That oughta get you where you want to go. To which I say, thanks to my handy French phrase book, Adios! Oh. Wait...I’m sure that’s not right. Where is that French phrase book...?

Warmest regards,
MaryJanice “I am not a monster!” Davidson

UNDEAD AND UNSTABLE excerpt

Spoiler-free

     What sounded and smelled like a hundred black Lab puppies swarmed over me, barking shrill puppy barks and licking everything they could reach and suffocating me with their foul puppy breath.

     My cardigan! My Etienne Aigners! If one of those mangy little monsters so much as thought about taking a chomp on my shoes . . . oooh, just picturing it made me feel like I was going insane.

     And Sinclair had made this happen. The betrayal! He really screwed me after he didn’t screw me, the treacherous bastard.

     “Get them off. Get them off! Argh, it feels like they’re crawling all over me! Is this what withdrawal is like? Oh, those poor drug addicts! Why are you just standing there, you rat bastard? Help!”

     While I writhed in a sea of puppies, the King of the Vampires fell to his knees. His sinister plan had worked beautifully, and he was so delighted he gave in completely. For a guy who prided himself on keeping things under control, he was letting loose an awful lot this week.

     “Stop it! You bum! Ack, get away . . .”

     He’d collapsed to his knees and was holding his stomach while bellowing laughter. Every time he tried to get up and help me, he fell back down again. This only increased my puppy-induced fury.

     A velvety black ear slipped into my mouth, probably because I was screeching threats at my husband, the puppies, the stars, the Antichrist for picking such a dreadful meeting place, and any bugs or telemarketers in the vicinity. I puffed it back out with a breath and struggled to sit up. Did I . . . was that? It was! My left shin was warm and wet. “Oh, Goddammit! That’s it. Gloves off. I’m gonna pull a Cruella de Vil and skin each of you. Starting with you!” I told Sinclair, and he finally stopped laughing.

     “Now, darling,” he said reprovingly. “There is no need—”

     “Don’t ‘darling’ me, butt monkey. You knew what would happen. You figured out what this place was, and you deliberately—get away!” I yelled at the puppies, and several of them scampered back toward the garage. Of course, several more ignored me and collapsed on their fat puppy butts, looking up at me with their puppy tongues hanging out of their puppy mouths. “Dogs and zombies. That’s what this Thanksgiving has for us, Sink Lair. Dogs and zombies.”

     “Perhaps you might consider seeing if they bend to your will,” he suggested.

     “Shut up.”

     “Now, Elizabeth. You yourself said this sort of, uh, event . . .” The corner of his mouth twitched, but he managed to keep the grin off his face. If he’d still been human, his eyes would have watered with the effort. “This sort of thing did not happen to you in life. Perhaps you can control them in death.”

     “I can’t even control my split ends, never mind the hounds of heck.”

     He blinked. “I have no idea what that means. But as I said—”

     “I wasn’t listening.”

     “Perhaps you could dominate them.”

     “I’m still not listening.”

     “Oh, you’re here,” the Antichrist said. No doubt roused by my bitter screams of hatred, she’d come out of the house and was standing on the porch. She was pretty focused, too: she was looking straight at me, like Sinclair wasn’t there and, weirder, like thirty-some puppies weren’t, either. “Good. We’ve got to talk.”

     “Boy, do we,” I said. “Also, do you know a good divorce attorney?”

     Sinclair ignored me and was (ugh!) holding two of the black Lab puppies, which seemed delighted to be in his arms, judging from all the wriggling and licking. “They shall be mine,” he said, delighted, “and I shall name them Fur and Burr.”

     “And the horror continues. Fur and Burr? Be serious. Uh . . . Laura . . . you wanna help us wrangle some of these dogs?” They were annoying, but that didn’t mean I wanted them to get lost or wander onto a highway and get squashed.

     “Okay.” Laura came down the steps, crossed the driveway, and absently scooped up two more puppies. I’d rarely seen her look so solemn. And given that the Antichrist loved puppies, shelters, orphans, lemonade, babies, marshmallows, and the homeless, it was weird that she wasn’t going deep into cuddle mode. “But then we’ve got to talk.”

     “That’s not all we’ve gotta do,” I muttered, aiming a kick at the vampire king, who easily dodged, and walked toward the house talking in a low voice to Fur and Burr.



About Undead and Unstable

Undead and Unstable

Undead / Betsy 11
Berkley, June 5, 2012
Hardcover and eBook, 336 pages

“If you’re fans of Sookie Stackhouse and Anita Blake, don’t miss Betsy Taylor. She rocks” (The Best Reviews)—and she’s back once again as a vampire queen who finds herself an unlucky (but fashionable) passenger on the road to damnation…

Betsy’s heartbroken over her friend Marc’s death, but at least his sacrifice should change the future—her future­—for the better. But it’s not as if Betsy’s next few hundred years will be perfect. After all, her half-sister Laura is the AntiChrist, Laura’s mother is Satan, and family gatherings will always be more than a little awkward.

What’s really bothering Betsy is that ever since she and Laura returned from visiting her mom in Hell, Laura’s been acting increasingly peculiar. Maybe it’s Laura’s new job offer: as Satan’s replacement down under. Unfortunately, the position comes at a damnable price: killing Betsy, her own flesh-and-blood.

Over Betsy’s dead body. And for that matter Marc’s, too, since he’s not quite as buried as everyone thought. Now a war has been waged—one that’s going to take sibling rivalry to a whole new level, and a dimension where only one sister can survive.

Amazon : Barnes and Noble : Book Depository : Books-A-Million : IndieBound

About MaryJanice Davidson

MaryJanice Davidson invented a) her children, and b) the vampire chick lit genre. Also the Internet. She is kind to (some) children and (occasional) small animals, and enjoys referring to herself in the third person. Appearing several times a year on the best-seller list, as well as occasional Federal "person of interest" sheets, she takes time from the living hell that is being paid to do what she loves best to seek out the nearest Cinnabon franchise. Her goals include working for world peace, figuring out how to make potstickers, and speaking at writer and reader conferences around the world. (Australia is still recovering.)

MaryJanice's Links

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The Giveaway

THE RULES

What:  One commenter will win a copy of Undead and Unstable (Undead / Betsy 11) from Berkley! US ONLY

How:  Leave a comment.

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Please leave links for Facebook, Twitter, or blog/website mentions. You MUST leave a way to contact you.

Who and When:  The contest is open to all humans on the planet earth with a USA mailing address. Contest ends at 11:59pm US Eastern Time on Saturday, June 23, 2012. Void where prohibited by law. No purchase necessary. You must be 18 years old or older to enter.

*Giveaway rules are subject to change.*